Back and forth with my mom today, getting on each others nerves and finally ending in a polite stalemate. I am tired now when I write this, maybe I am meant to be better and stronger and do the right thing, but I cannot keep dialing it up all the time, for everyone. My mum should be the last person to expect things from me and possibly have some sympathy. But all I sense is a sort of simmering resentment and anger at how things are being done and a constant stream of corrections, betterment and improvements, all directed at me and occasionally at my daughter.
We are trying our best in trying circumstances, more trying than anyone I know of and it is hard to keep my temper, keep going, all the time, one eye on the clock to see how we cycle through every blessed minute of meals and baths and bedtimes and chores for the kids.
I don’t even allow myself to think of normalcy anymore – it seems unbelievable that things will ever return to what they were. And it will just make me more miserable now.
My mum says she wants to run away the minute she gets the chance. And I cannot help wondering what I have done to deserve that.
Noodles today and the paste dip. Was a sluggish day.
Baby R please please let us sleep just a little bit more in the mornings. Please.
S has written a lovely mystery story called The Mystery of the Missing Shoe, all very Enid Blyton, but well put together, with dialogues and descriptions and characters and a storyline. Clap clap. Baby R has dug his little nails into mine hard enough to have my thumb sting for the rest of the day.
Stronger and more focused. Not possible to waver ever, to give up. It just makes it worse for myself.
Ah yes, 9pm for 9 minutes – our PM’s call to arms in the fight against Covid. Mom went out with her phone flashlight, S was happy to play along with the drama. I rolled my eyes and was a teeny bit irritated about having her subjected to this nonsense, but her grandmom is allowed to have her do what she things is right and I dared not argue anymore with my mum. Buildings went dark, kids yelled go corona go!, there were lights all around, with few outliers. Astounding stuff, that we are willing to go along with this.
The Stories Page 